


Tea Flowers

by sushilushy



Series: Fire Emblem Fates [7]
Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: F/M, Forbidden Love, Insecurity, Possibly Unrequited Love, Romance, Self-Doubt, Takumi's POV, Yearning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 05:29:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16780549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sushilushy/pseuds/sushilushy
Summary: Takumi reflects on his hidden feelings for Kamui, and his gentler side shows. He cannot move forward with his feelings, but neither can he stop them.





	Tea Flowers

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't think of a good title. My WIP title was "Takumi can't confess," haha. This is actually the first piece of Takukamu and/or Fates fanfiction I wrote, so the other pieces in the Fates collection might not line up with this one. As for why I found it easier to write from Takumi's point of view...who knows?!?!?! I don't!
> 
> Reading this, I realized...the Takumi in my headcanon really views Kamui as cute, doesn't he? I think his Kamui-filter is just a liittle rosy. Well, she is a good girl after all. And Takumi is a good boy! His feelings for her really are so gentle. I hope that comes across.
> 
> Dedicated to all those who are hopelessly fond of Takumi and his oddly charming, anxiety-ridden self.

Kamui took a step back and readied her yumi.

"Are you kidding? If you were shooting an enemy on the field, you'd hit the ground before him, wasting a good arrow and alerting him to your presence. Five degrees higher," I admonished, hating myself for sounding so unpleasant and being too cowardly to change the way I spoke to her.

Kamui shrugged off my criticisms, as she always did. But she did reposition herself to aim slightly higher, and looked to me for reassurance.

"No, that's too much. What did I tell you? Always keep your eyes on the target! Here, let me show you," I frowned, sidling up behind Kamui.

From this distance, I could see the nape of her neck clearly, where a few stray hairs stuck to her skin due to sweat. Kamui…smelled good. Like something fresh, with a hint of sweetness. Tea flowers? That suited her, didn't it. I longed to bury my face into her shoulder and breathe in deeply. Just being near her tickled my senses.

Kamui let her body relax against my chest, as she had done many times before. Unlike many times before, however, I felt overly conscious of her presence. I could feel a flush creeping into my cheeks and I immediately stepped farther away from her. I picked up a practice yumi and decided to demonstrate the proper angle using that instead.

This was bad.

Ever since I'd admitted to myself that Kamui might be more than a friend, things had been this way. It was if all at once I'd allowed myself to see Kamui as a woman. And what a beautiful woman Kamui was--slender and agile, like a dancer on the battlefield. Her curiously colored hair looked soft and silky. The way Kamui's gentle yet determined eyes would meet mine directly made me feel self-conscious. Kamui was objectively lovely, and that was to say nothing of her amazing kindness and magnetic charisma.

Lovely or not, Kamui was my sister. Logically, I knew I shouldn't blame myself for being unable to process that fact, especially since we'd never grown up together. Even so, I still blamed myself. I knew I had to hide my shameful budding feelings for Kamui and let them die. I'd attempted to do all that and more. I took care not to spend time with her individually outside of these lessons. I made sure we would not be assigned the same patrol schedules. I volunteered for shifts at whatever place I knew Kamui would be unlikely to visit that week. Repeatedly, I told myself that this was beyond wrong; Kamui was my half sister, and we shared a father. But just as avoiding food cannot make hunger lessen, avoiding Kamui couldn't make my feelings disappear.

Despite my best efforts, I was now fully and shamefully in love with Kamui. And what scared me most was that I'd begun not to care about our blood relation. Sometimes in my most feverish and irrational thoughts I imagined casting everything aside--I could live the rest of my life with society's disapproval, if only Kamui would share in my sin. What did it matter, as long as we never brought new life into this world?

I guiltily glanced at Kamui, who was notching another arrow in careful concentration. The expression in her eyes was clear and calm, and I knew that her shot would be successful without even looking at her stance. Thunk. The familiar sound made me smile. I watched Kamui's eyes widen, and she turned towards me happily.

"I did it!" Kamui beamed, lowering the yumi. "A bullseye! I did it, Takumi! Did you see? You saw, right?"

Seeing her like this made me momentarily forget about my worries. "I saw. Good job," I said softly. My heart was full of Kamui, and my eyes and voice were full of quiet adoration for her. Our eyes met, and as much as I wanted to hold eye contact, I was too shy to continue.

"Kamui, I…" The words slipped from my mouth before I realized the implications of what I'd nearly said.

"Hm? What is it?" Kamui's head tilted to one side.

No. I couldn't tell her. It would just trouble her. Even if…even if she returned my feelings, we couldn't be together. I couldn't allow it, to have the world regard Kamui as a base sexual deviant who fell in love with her brother.

I shook my head. "It's nothing. I'm proud of you."

"Oh." I could feel Kamui's gaze upon me. She had a charming habit of looking directly at who she was speaking to that made any conversation with her seem extra sincere. I couldn't meet her eyes, though. I was suddenly afraid that my eyes would betray my thoughts, like my mouth had just tried to. "Thank you. That makes me happy. I was afraid, you know, that maybe after all this time…you still resented me. I know I was raised in Nohr, and…and I still feel like a stranger in Hoshido--there are so many things I don't understand, so many things I haven't experienced-- but I want to be trusted. I want to get back all the lost time we should have had. I want to be a good sister…"

It stung to hear Kamui mention the word 'sister' to me. Her intentions were so pure, and here I was desiring forbidden affection from her like some sort of disgusting pervert.

She fidgeted, waiting for my reply.

"I trust you, Kamui. You don’t--you don't have to prove yourself to me. You shouldn't have had to, in the first place."

Just another way I was lacking, I thought depressingly, looking at the gnarled and barren Nohrian trees in the distance. I couldn't help but feel they were just as twisted as I was. The two of us fell into an awkward silence.

I think Kamui sensed that I wanted to be alone, because she quickly said something about next week, thanked me, and left.

I flopped with my back to the polished wooden flooring of the archery practice range and stared at the ceiling. I let out a long sigh. What a sorry mess I was. I'd originally planned to do some training of my own after teaching Kamui, but I knew that in my current emotional state it'd just frustrate me.

I lay there for a while, thinking about various things and watching the shadows of late afternoon lengthen into the purple haze of twilight.

On my way back to my quarters, I ran into Hinata, who cheerily told me I looked miserable. That was probably true, I'd spent the better half of my day moping over my feelings for Kamui. Not to worry, though; Hinata had a plan. I knew it couldn't be good, but I didn't have the heart to argue at that moment.

His plan turned out to be two cups and a large bottle of sake, and getting me so plastered that I'd laugh at anything and everything. It worked.

**Author's Note:**

> Uuuuugh. I wasn't particularly happy with the work I uploaded earlier today, so I thought I would at least post something I was satisfied with (lol). Even if it is way ahead in the planned timeline.
> 
> Takumi's inner voice is surprisingly refined. He's supposed to be well-read, isn't he? As for his outer voice, I imagine it to be considerably more brusque, though not entirely informal. I think he uses the formal "I" pronoun for men in Japanese. Come to think of it, Kisaragi refers to his mom and dad as "hahaue/chichiue," which is about as formal as you can get. Maybe because they're both princes with good upbringings, haha. 
> 
> Anyways, hopefully he didn't seem OOC. Feel free to sound off in the comments \o/


End file.
